最初和最后

This morning when I was sweeping, I heard an unfamiliar die off sound of car engine, driven by my curiosity, I peeped out the window. A blue Proton came into my sight and I saw one guy coming out followed by a woman, carrying a lot of stuff both hands.

Ohh.. It was my neighbour's son and his wife!! I hardly recognised him as he left home to work in KL when I was still in primary school. Compared to the immature and playful guy last time, what I saw today was an older but more mature man.

Hmm.. A scene popped in my mind, maybe many many years later, my car will stop in front of home, and I would be the main character in the scene I saw today lol



In the afternoon, I accidentally opened a drawer which has remained untouched for ages. Staring at the purplish envelope, something hit on my dying memory. There were many envelopes and letters in the drawer, mostly were addressed to me by my first and only pen pal. All of a sudden, I could feel that my memory was refreshed and those days appeared again like it was just yesterday.

I joined this camp when I was a student reporter. When it came to the last day of it, I received a letter from a participant called Xuan. I was just about to throw it away before my friend stopped me and told me that the person who gave me the letter was the one who sat right in front of me during lunch. See see I was and am such blur..

Feeling sorry towards Xuan, I decided to reply the letter so that I could somehow feel better. Then our pen-palship had begun. Xuan was the youngest in the family who always longed for a sister, whereas I was the eldest and longed desperately for a big bro; Xuan was from big city who had been to many places, whereas I was from a small town who rarely had chance to travel around; Xuan had finished PMR with 8 As whereas I was facing it. Our pen-palship grew so quickly thru a great deal of experience sharing.

Till one day, due to a reason which I tried so hard but failed to recall, I stopped replying letter anymore. I was so cold-blooded to the extent that I ignore all the letters coming after. Looking at the letters today, all memories were sweet but I knew for sure that there must be something that caused me to choose to lose my first pen pal, just I did not remember anything anymore. Because of that, I did not open those letters just now, deep in my heart, I think it would be better not to reveal the real reason, having warm memories and leaving the cruel truth behind would be the best it could be.

Later when I prayed I suddenly realised that that was me, the true me, the I who only remember hurt and pain and disappointment, the I who never care about the reasons causing or leading to that feelings. Feels like I am introduced to myself once again, the girl who is sentimental and emotional in life, the girl who is sensible and rational in studies, the girl who cepat naik marah tapi cepat lupa dendam lol

Thanks to dad and bro for enduring my imperfectness, for taking the blames even though I am the one who do wrong, for cheering me up no matter how, for letting me to bully them whevever I feel like doing so ^_^

Thanks to teachers for sayang-ing me. Thanks to friends for befriend-ing minyu yang tidak berhati perut ^_^

Thanks to Xuan, too.