I am still standing

Well. Today is SUNDAY!! Yo.

God's house is full. People need more room. So a new service will be added.

Pastors are "weird". The way he announced about the coming Relationship Seminar. The way he shared about his love story bla bla bla. Hmm sounds "bizarre".

But then people enjoy it. So do I. Just can't help laughing ok.

A lot more babies are dedicated to the heavenly father. Pastor and his wife and the parents are overjoyed by those little cuties. A new generation is rising up to live their lives to praise the One who knows their names before even they were borned.

" A Willing Heart, A Winning Life ". Awesome. I am impacted by this powerful message.

Church is growing. The generation is going to rock the nation. All and all is for His glory, His honour, His majesty. People is growing. More and more hearts are pouring out their willingness. Hurts are cured by His healing and miraculous powers.

How about me?

The "me" who is having hard time??

The "me" who feel hurt in heart??

The "me" who is lost in the midst of worldly flow??

The "me" who struggle to find my way out of puzzles??

The "me" who is fighting with the devils??

The "me" who long for hope and refuge and peace??

The "me" who is the support of vulnerable friends??

The "me" who need to be supported at most of the time??

To be honest, I am blessed with peace, I have no fear to walk my journey, for my hurt heart is healed and my eyes witness His miraculous work. I find myself growing too, being transformed into someone that He wants me to become, a much more better me =)

What more can I say standing at the feet of the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Name above all names?? Thank you Jesus Christ!! For being my way, the truth and my life..

Footprint - Picture

I was having allergic sinusitis attack these few days. As usual, slight fever, cold and flu all came together with it. But don't worry about me as I would say that I almost recover 97% =)

Life is good I reckon. Not to say that I have two tests coming in the following week. Not to mention that my final examination is just round at the corner. Yup what do u think? =P

Can't wait for winter break to come. I will be joining TSCF National Student Conference which lasts for seven days. After that I most likely will go to Christchurch to spend the rest of my holidays lol


* Hardly barely smiling *


Sometimes, or most of the time, I compare life to a roller coaster ride, and also to the bull and bear stock market. On one hand, life is full with challenges, uncertainties, obstacles, problems, etc, and all these lead to frustration, disappointment, down-spiritedness, and what not. On the other hand, life seems to be lovely, wonderful, awesome, fantastic,etc, the moment you go through all those I've mentioned above.

Hard to understand what life is all about aye. Even harder to explain in words what life is for you aye. I don't have an ultimate answer myself, or do I want to? Heard from somewhere that " Life is too amazing to be a meaningless and random consequence of the Universe. There has to be a God, something out there - you just have to feel it ". My brain, this little human mind could never ever understand what is God the Almighty playing in His, the superb incredible mind.

So I decide not to trouble myself by putting massive effort to figure that out, no way. He is the creator of the universe, and He is in charge of everything. Then look at me, I don't even know how to take care of myself. All I am able to do is just to become a girl in His light, be obedient to His words, do accordingly to His will. Let my "such-a-mess" life be taken over, because He will turn it into a fruitful and purposeful life.

Come on!! Just imagine that how great your life will be if you've got Superman + Doraemon + Phd. + Financial Expert + Social Adviser + ... to give you a hand in coping with your life, studies, financial problem, social life and stuff?? And what I am telling now is far more greater than that!! Haha.

Even though I surrender my life to Jesus, the best person that I've ever known, what do I need to do is just to "listen" and "act", I am still not living a perfect life. I am just not perfect, but He loves me =) I seriously can't think of what my life would be if I was the one who in charge of my life. Disaster huh?! ^_^


* Smiling Broadly Shinny *


Hmm.. hmm.. to be honest, I was supposed to post a pretty sad article one, at least that was my motive to blog at the very first place, to release electrons, sort of.

But I end up posting such a positive article, at least it has a happy ending. See Jesus can even play a role as an entertainer, to cheer His girl up ^_^ Appreciate my blog too, it serves as the best place for me to "talk".

To give my post its best ending, here is the bonus, a picture I love, and to my surprise, many of you like ( inc those who ask it from me or those who compliment me for it ), with whatsoever reasons =) But then bear in your mind, I possess the absolute right to love this picture ya, you people can only admire it, hohoho!!

Name Above All

I see. I hear. I feel.

I do nothing but standing speechless.

Suddenly I do not want to be anyone alse!!

I realize that

I cannot do anything and I do not want to do anything

Without Your Presence

Creator. Saviour. Majesty.

MAMA

My day has its lovely start today!!

I met this Kiwi/or Maori uncle in Weir House and we talked for a while. He noticed the bible in my hand and thus knew that I was going to church.

He gave me such a broad smile and kept repeating that " Good girl good girl!! May God bless you!! " Haha.

PS: Normally I "hate" when people call me good girl and say that I look innocent. To my surprise, not this time =P

**

I urge myself must post today because IT'S MOTHER'S DAY !!!!!!!

Hmm..

Before this, I always thought that it's kinda "hard" to be a man, u know.. It seems like MEN must be tough and strong (which means they can't cry), able to carry responsibility and deal with pressure (as society has exerted more expectation on men), love and protect their another half and family (of course la!! no doubt!! =P )..

I think it's because as I grow up, I've got the best protection ever from my papa and bros, so Im kinda "salute" men in some ways. I still do now actually, just today is mother's day, so must beri muka and mengampu a bit. Hehe.

However, eventually I find out that it's even harder to be a woman, u know.. Why would I say that?? It's all and all because..

Woman = Daughter + Sister + Friend ( Phase 1)

Woman = Girlfriend + Wife + Mother ( Phase 2)

Woman = Yet for me to figure out more.. Takkan I wanna put " grandmum " lol

which mean they are playing so many roles in their life!! Though u might argue that all these apply to man also what.. But then..

Who give u birth and suffer the ten months of pregnancy??

Who stand at your side when u get scolded by dad??

and the list goes on and on!!

PS: It's actually because my brain is not working anymore.. All blank.. So to be continued la =P

Last but not least, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY DEAREST MAMA!!!!!!!

And everyone's mummy too =)

You say.. But I know..

* I have my lab report and essay due on Mon, and project and assignment due on Tue, but now, I AM BLOGGING =P Lord, I thank you for your blessings in my studies, you have made all the impossibles become possible for me =) *


Anyone : Hey!! How are you??

Me : Hihi.. Im fine. Thank you =)

Anyone : So how's life in New Zealand??

Me : Hmm.. It's GREAT!! I love Welly very much =P


Yup. There is no doubt that I am telling the truth ( as I always do =P ).

I love my life in Welly, very very much indeed. Never thought I would enjoy this much before, thank you Lord for knowing what is the best for me =)


Nevertheless, living a great life does not mean living a purposeful life. Sound simple yet deep.


I was always busy, with my studies, church & ICF, Weir House and friends, and so on..

I would say that I was kinda enjoying my "busy" life, I really really did. Just I was tired and exhausted most of the time, I "consumed" my body far beyond it could afford.


Nevertheless, the Lord of my life sees me and He knows me, and through the spirit I realize of my problem.


I had everything done well, proud to say that. BUT I eventually forgot about what should I prioritize in my life..

Every morning once I opened my eyes, I had the whole day passed in the midst of busyness, till at night I lied on my bed exhaustedly. Even worse was I was really enjoying my busy life, such a smart way the devil used to part me from my purposes..


Nevertheless, my creator is in work, He goes before me shielding my way, and His hands of blessings bring me away from the dark side.


I now shout to the devil that I shall have no fear because I have His love, showered by His amazing grace, what a gracious God I am serving!! My heart is overflowed with peace and rest, in His presence, as Jesus said,

" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. " - Matthew 11:28-30 -

You say that I alone can change the world

But I know it's by the spirit of the Lord

(music playing)

...

..

.

Nites

She shall be called 'woman'

PS : Was thinking I would have extremely busy weekends but apparently I was wrong. Thanks God for blessing me and my assignments. That's why I get to post before the next wave of busyness come upon me. Hohoho =P


So, my twentieth birthday was awesome!! Tho totally different from what I'd planned for myself. I did my so-called "count down" talking to my papa, mama, Xian, and Jie. Well, ur daughter and ur sister are now big girl already!! ( Ok, what kinda looks are that?! hmm.. )


At around half past twelve midnight, my door was BANGGG!! The first thing that came into my mind was " Oh goshhh.. Takkan they got drunk till this extent.. Should I open it?? " I did.

Once I opened the door, I was shocked to become speechless!! Came into my sight were three girls in pyjamas holding lovely presents in their hands!! Obviously they had been waiting for me for nearly half an hour as I was on phone =P ( Ok, I shall never forget ur sleepy looks.. lol )

Terima kasih banyak-banyak!!

( Appreciate u all took the risk of gaining weight eating curry laksa and cheesecake with me )

Other than that, my email inbox, cell phone inbox were nearly exploded!! No kidding man.. Am I showing off?! Of course no.. Im just being honest lol

For friends in Malaysia, I would like very much to acknowledge u all here, but.. I don't have any photos with me at the moment.. sigh =(

For friends in New Zealand, I guess I will just show girls' photos, as I don't think I am supposed to run out of my topic/title ( see above ) lol

Pra!! I was soooo touched by ur words and blessings *sob sob*

( Especially thank u for showing ur "jiwang-ness" to me.. Jitra = Jiwang ?! )

Jess!! Glad to hear ur sweet sweet voice again ^_^

( Faster say YES lo.. then we can talk face to face.. dun wanna let Vodafone to earn our money ma )

Emay!! U tak boleh harap punya la.. still as lazy as before =P

( There is 95% confidence that.... haha I study the quantitative analysis too.. in statistics )

Yi Xin!! Ur text was the longest.. yet fantastic =)

( I know I know.. how could I not know that u have put in a lot of effort in it.. hehe )

And.. my birthday surprises lasted till the following two days.. yeap. Truly appreciate all the wishes and blesses!! I ended my birthday hugging by my Kiwi friends and my RA one by one in front of my room. I felt like I was doing hongi again!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO ALL OF YOU

Curious about what are the wishes that I make for myself.. ya I see u nodding hard..

hmm..

err..

ar..

I wanna be a Woman of God

( I think I prefer to stick to "Girl of God".. sounds much more better lol)

So what do we/I mean by becoming a girl of God.. ya I see u continue nodding even harder..

hmm..

err..

ar..

I DON'T KNOW LER

However, my God knows. It so happens that my bible track for this week is all about the women of the bible!! Praise be the Lord. Amen!!

" This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called 'woman'

for she was taken out of man

-Genesis 2:23-

He has make me a way.. all I need to do is just to let my heart be taken over control by Him.. and I shall have a fruitful life ahead =)

Dance dance dance

Yoooooo !!!!

Guess what ?! ?!

I.. just.. came back.. from dance lol

Read from somewhere that " God's grace fall upon us everyday every moment everywhere.. but we never really realized about it.. or even worse.. do we wanna acknowledge it?? "

Now I think I've got one add-on towards this that " God's always in work.. giving impact in our lives.. whether we feel that He is close.. or He is distant.. the thing is.. He is there!! "

Signed up for a Barn Dance ( Line Dance ) night last Sunday. Did it without any proper consideration. Din't know what's that all about. Nor where would it be held. Din't bother about the transportation. Nor who else would be going.

Never crossed my mind that I would go for such thing. Dance?! No way.. I know myself.. and u all know me =P I guess at the very moment I'd got some kinda calling deep inside my heart pushing me to put my name on the sign-up form..

So after two days I was struggling, and I planned to just pay the money and pulled off. I tried every ways and means I'd got but due to many many "indescribable" "supernatural" or "weird" reasons.. I failed.. That's why I ended up going for it, the dance, today!!

All participants were asked to dress up in country gears and stuff. But I just din't bother too much about all those. Wore sport shoes instead of boots, etc, just braided my hair, done. Yeap of course I din't forget to pray and then comfort myself that " Just dance for God.. "

As usual, I tried to be very low-profiled, staying at the very back of the line, and yeap, enjoyed myself with those steps. I would say it was fun tho, my partners were nice, and I found out I had "talent" in following the steps ( ps: I was saying "following", not "dancing" k )

Then we were called to take out the half pocker card that they gave us during our entries and matched the other half from our partners. For ur info, I met mine very fast, but I doubted whether it could be considered as lucky or unlucky. Why?! Just continue reading =P

My partner was a Kiwi, well, nothing wrong to do with him. But he was asked by the demonstrator to bring his partner, which was me, up to the stage, together with three other pairs. He walked up like he was supposed to and I had no choice but followed =(

So.. my very intention was to have a peaceful night.. that simple.. yet so hard.. I was talking to God " Are u kidding me?! " At that moment I'd got all the limelight, and yeap, hundred pairs of eyes, looking at me =I Recalled back, I din't feel nervous tho, hmm, it's unusual..

We remained on the stage and became the "living model" of everyone else. I couldn't remember anything clearly, just myself being swing, turn, bla bla bla. Amazingly at that moment, I felt like I was dancing because I was free inside. Din't care about the movements and steps, just dance in His kingdom, with His people. It was awesome!!

Maybe now u are gonna say that u've got what I was trying to tell. Nope.. u are not getting me right.. yet. As it was just the beginning, as I came down from the stage, I went straight into the crowd right before the last dance got started. And guess what?!

All of us were asked to dance the last one and the best team would be awarded. Out of no reason and so coincidentally I was in the team that ended up winning the so-called competition. And I had to go up the stage, again!! I was like " Dear God.. are u kidding me.. again?! "

Of course u wouldn't get any response from Him.. la.. Is that playing in ur mind right now?? lol But believe it or not, He did, Im pretty sure that He was winking at me, yeap I do!!

What kinda of God do I serve?? I ask myself. He knows me better than I do. He wants to bless me in anything that I involve. He knows what I need before even I open my mouth. And.. He loves me.. in a way that I could never ever imagine with my little human mind..

And most importantly is.. He never "curi tulang" He never complain of having to do so much work!! Instead of that.. He is always in work.. His grace is always upon all His children!!

I have no regret going for the dance =) Not because of my partner was the key person in church.. Not because of I got to dance with my favourite worship singer in service.. Not because of my another partner looked like David Tao.. Not because of the title as best dance team.. ( Kinda, maybe lol )

It's all and all because I'd got to dance with my heart, in freedom!! I take it as a blessing, so that I can continue dancing in the freedom I get and in the kingdom I belong to..

This is what You have been trying to let me know the whole week, isn't it?? Yeap.. Im pretty sure I see You winking.. again!! Amen.

Hold my hands tight

I am tired. Very very tired indeed.

Normally will not blog in the morning. I am a night person. Remember??

But this heart, my heart, is overflowed, and overwhelmed, by ?? with ?? Only God knows..

**

As most of you know, I was turning twenty yesterday!!

Other than wishes, blessings, hanging outs, presents, hugs, hurrays.. What else??

I stayed awake many nights ( or I could not have my mind shut down ) and think and think and think..

**

I have a heart-to-heart talk with my God, the Lord, and most importantly, my Creator, the one who gives me life, and everything..

Whenever I think of what He has done for me, His love, His unfailing forgiveness, the amazing grace, the mercy and the everything.. .... .......

With my hands spread out, my head bows, my heart then cries out to the Lord, " Who am I to be Your child of light?! What do You want me to do in this life that You have given me?! "

Night falls silent. But my heart continues crying out to Him, " Come to me.. Redeem me.. Use me.. Stay with me.. Lead me.. Guide me.. I need You.. In walking every step of my journey!! "

**

I am just an imperfect human. I do not know how to deal with this world, and its people. I tend to get lost. And I do not manage to find my way out, without Your presence.

Staring at the starry sky, I see You seated on Your throne, high and exalted, so far yet so close. At that moment, I feel like I do not want to be anything else, but Your child, Your girl.

So.. I decide to give You my heart, and my everything.. And do all things according to Your will..

Protect me, when the world is spinning madly around me..

Safeguard me, when the devils are in any means trying to part me from You..

Lead me, so that my heart will no longer be tossed back and forth by the waves..

Guide me, so that this heart will be blown here and there by winds no more..

Hold my hands tightly and keep them in Your palms..

I am sure You will