christmas Christmas

"Mum.. Do you still care about it??"
I asked carefully.

"Nah.. I had it all cleared out of my mind long time ago."
Mum answered like nothing has happened before.

A few years ago, when I was in primary school, I was nothing but what people called as good student. Teachers loved me, I loved studying. Friends like me, life was wonderful.

However, deep inside my soul, a wild fire was burning, an anti-norm attitude had been developed secretly. Therefore, I tried to challenge the framed examination format and striked to make breakthroughs.

Well, I did it. There were two outcomes, two extreme ones.

The bad outcome was that one of my essay was considered out of topic, which means I did not get an A for it. What turned bad to worse was that my failure was kinda shocking to teachers in my school and it led into arguments among teachers from different schools. Some said my essay was actually acceptable because my points were creative, on the other hand, some said I should not write stuff outside the box.

I remained silence throughout that time. I enjoyed writing, all I wanna do was just to turn information into power. I did not mean to bring anything bad to anyone, but the fact was that I was. I did not understand what was going on, and I simply could not, I was just ten. One thing that I could not deny was that I started to doubt myself, till another news hit me.

The good outcome was that another essay of mine had won me an excellence in a national level writing competition. I got money and my essay was published, together with all other essays throughout Malaysia.

I still remained silence after this. It was hard, but I became tougher after this test, and eventually I gained back my confidence bit by bit. It took me a while to leave all the fear behind and moved on, but I was thankful.

Today, mum and I ran into part of that history. This time, I was still silent, and mum, who used to shield me from all harms, she seemed alright.

Today, it is Christmas eve, my second Christmas after I decide to live my life for Christ, the one who holds the universe yet give me all still.

*Forgive, because God offered us forgiveness by dying of His Son, I learn*

In the midst of commercialized Christmas nowadays, let the door of your heart be knocked, give your soul a chance to be showered by His amazing love.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life -John 3:16-